Now that I am just about finished with the first half of my pregnancy I thought it would be a good time to make a list of all of the things people don't tell you about being pregnant. Maybe they don't tell you because they forgot...maybe they don't want to scare you...I don't know but I feel like they truth needs to be documented. Very few of my friends (including my sister) have ever been pregnant so I feel it is my duty to prepare them...or at least scare the crap out of them :)
Note: there is some gross stuff in here but I'm all about full disclosure. You've been warned.
Things That Suck About Being Pregnant
1.
You can't drink. That's obvious but it really does suck. And I think everyone else starts drinking more just because you're pregnant. It's a conspiracy. I used to be such a judger when I would see pregnant women out with a drink and think,
what the heck you can't go without a glass of wine for 9 months lady?? Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes...ain't
that the truth!
2.
Nipplicious. While it is good news that your boobs get big (seriously they get HUGE) but your nipples get huge too. And they're hard all the time. Seriously, like 24/7. So hard sometimes you can see them through your bra and then THROUGH YOUR SHIRT. These are like super hero nipples that shouldn't be messed with.
3.
Hey Fatty. Things are great until about your 4th month, or at least that's when I started showing. It wouldn't even be so bad if the rounded stomach stayed around all of the time, however when you sit down the round belly just disappears and it's just a fat blob like you drank too many milkshakes. And as a
Hey Fatty 3.0, you can also see your belly button hole through almost all of your shirts now. One of my pet peeves has become a sad, sad reality.
4.
Anxiety about the second half. You have 9 months to think of the worst pain you will ever experience, but you know that going into it. No one tells you until after you're knocked up that you also have to look forward to month-long periods, swollen vaginas (seriously someone told me it's so swollen you can feel it between your legs when you WALK. WHAT?!), frozen mesh underwear and the need for laxatives and stool softeners to poop without pain after delivery.
5.
Speaking of poop...or lack of. Constipation is no joke. And when you can go, it's not easy; just last week I felt like I was giving birth to a piece of poop. (I warned you not to read this...)
6.
Snoozeys. Maybe it's just life trying to prepare you for when you won't get any sleep once the baby is born but the second I found out I was pregnant I couldn't sleep anymore. It starting out being that I either had to pee (see #7) or I couldn't get comfortable but now I just think I am turning into an insomniac. On top of that, you're tired all the time. Maybe it's because you're not sleeping or maybe it's because there's a life sucking your life out of you, I don't know but exhaustion hits you at the end of the day like you just ran two marathons.
7.
Water Consumption. My doctor told me I need to be drinking 3L of water a day. THREE LITERS! Do you have any idea how much water that is?! I think it's almost enough to drown yourself with. As someone who drank maybe a sip of water a day before I got pregnant this is a huge feat. Luckily I crave water now but definitely not 3 liters worth.
8.
Rules. There are so many rules to follow when you are pregnant. Just to list a few that affect me on a daily basis: no hot baths, no lunch meat, no Feta cheese, no laying on your back, keep your feet up or you'll get varicose veins, hold your breath when walking by smokers (okay maybe I just do that), slather up with pounds of lotion so you don't get stretch marks, don't wear high heels, make sure to do your Kegals. Seriously, the list is endless.
9.
Vaginal Discharge. Luckily I didn't experience this too bad...BUT I am reading
Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy right now and she said she had it so bad (she compared it to Niagra Falls!) that she had to change her underwear like 5 times a day. What?!
10.
Maternity Clothes. There aren't a lot of options for maternity clothes and the reeeeeally cute ones (like bright blue maternity skinny jeans) are the most expensive of course. I can't justify spending $120 on jeans (let alone neon blue jeans) that I can only wear for 5 months...or maybe less if I get fatter than originally planned. Oh, and same as regular clothes, the only sizes left on the rack (at least at Old Navy) are L and XL. Don't they re-stock these shelves?! Maternity clothes should be fully stocked!
11.
Unannounced Stomach Touching. People love touching pregnant lady's bellys. This probably isn't that weird when you have a large stomach but people (including those I don't know very well) started touching mine when it was just a normal every day stomach. Whoever said that was ok?! I never even let my sister or Robert touch my stomach pre-pregnancy (I have weird stomach issues obviously) so it's a huge deal for me to remain composed when I see your open face palm coming straight at my torso. Although, as it gets bigger I don't mind as much...it's still weird though. Note: Friends and family, feel free to touch away, it's not that weird when you do it :)
12.
Stomach rippage (aka round ligaments). I first started experience this really early and had to go hunting through my pregnancy books to find out what the extreme ripping pain in my lower abdomen was. While you are pregnant, the ligaments in your lower abdomen become stretchier (is that a word?) in order to support your growing uterus. I don't know all the details but this causes sharp pain when you sneeze, blow your nose, get up to fast, laugh too hard, etc. And I am not talking just a little pain, I am talking extreme, double-over, can't move until it subsides (5-10 seconds) type of pain.
13.
Pregnancy Advice. 90% of the time the advice you are given during pregnancy is great helpful advice. But eeeeeeveryone has an opinion, whether it be on the baby's name you've chosen, your breastfeeding preference, birth plan, child rearing ideas, etc.; you will learn to become a master of smiling and nodding your head while listening all the while thinking about what you will eat next.
14.
Weight gain. Seeing the numbers on the scale go up is never easy. Even if you know there's another human life in there. Also, tell your husband/boyfriend/baby daddy his most important job throughout your pregnancy is to throw away all of the Victoria's Secret catalogs before you see them. Trust me, you'll thank me later.
15.
What To Expect When You're Expecting - The Movie. Sadly I must tell you that this movie is not the greatest. I saw it today and it's definitely a wait-til-you-can-rent-it type of movie.
I know I didn't include everything people usually associate pregnancy with (i.e. morning sickness, mood swings) but that's because I didn't experience it. And there are lots of good things about pregnancy too but, believe me, everyone will tell you all about those things!
Just for the record, even taking all of these things into consideration, I still love being pregnant :)
