I also think, like all first born kids, Mila will have quite the adjustment when she learns another baby is moving in....and not leaving. She's already growing up into this independent little lady who, thankfully, is still almost perfectly behaved and sometimes even asks to go in time out if she knows she hasn't been listening. I am afraid that I will bear the brunt of her anger and frustration once Nellie is born, though, as I already am (the only one) on the receiving end of some of her "aggressive" (if you can even call it that) behavior. Lately when she isn't getting her way she has taken to hitting me (never Robert, Kerry or anyone else, just me); her frustration only lasts as long as it takes her to notice my hurt face and then she says "sowwy" in her sweet little voice and all is forgiven but I can't help but think of all of the slaps (literal and figurative) I will endure once she sees how much time I am spending with Nellie.
Because of this I have tried to involve Mila is the planning for Nellie and can't wait to get out all of the tiny little baby clothes so she can "help" me put them away. She's spent some time in Nellie's crib already and I try not to tell her no when she starts messing with all of "Nellie's" stuff.
I came across a GREAT article on Pinterest on the Do's and Dont's of Bringing Home Baby 2.0+. It was so helpful to read and really calmed my fears; I can't count the number of times I have referred to this article in preparing for Nellie and how to incorporate Mila into the whole process. While it may seem like common sense to those of you with 2+ kids out there, it was nice to read through the article and know that the concerns I have are actually very normal.
Once of my favorite things about the article was how the author actually introduced her older child to the baby and I plan on taking her advice and doing it in the same manner (and I have no clue why she refers her kids with such weird names).
Introducing 1.0 to 2.0 can be tricky. Based on my own experience and an unscientific polling of 4 or 5 women with whom I shared the line for this morning's coffee, the easiest way to do this is on neutral turf. We chose the hospital. I had the nurses remove The Professor before Birdy arrived. She was excited to meet her new brother, of course, but her REAL concern was for mommy. So I held her on my lap. She pushed buttons. We read books. It was great. She relaxed once she trusted I was OK. Once she settled, the nurses brought in The Professor. She touched him and kissed him and held him (with assistance, of course). We celebrated his birthday by sharing a cupcake and exchanging small gifts. Then I called the nurses to remove him from the room. We said our goodbyes and she skipped off to grandma's house. My daughter never for a moment felt like she'd been replaced. We avoided the hurt feelings that surely would have occurred had we been forced to explain why she had to leave but The Professor got to stay.
I am going to be very particular on the way that I introduce Mila to Nellie. I don't care if she's only two and won't remember, I want her to feel absolutely comfortable in the situation and never think for a moment that Mommy is hurt or that she's being replaced. I don't want her at the hospital while I am in labor and I don't want her there immediately after birth either. Robert and I will take our time and enjoy Nellie just as we did with Mila and we will welcome the grandparents and other visitors as well. We will just save our most favorite visitor for a special time a few hours later when we are ready for her.
Note to self: I need to remember to get a cupcake :)
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